Self-knowledge,  Written literature | Author's writings

How we behave when someone leaves us?

Let’s think for a minute about what we do and how we behave when someone who has meant so much to us leaves us?

Let’s be fair, we’re not looking for ways to hurt less, we’re doing the opposite of what we should do. We go to places we used to go together, and allow the pain to slide under our skin, and pressure our bones, breaking them the way our memories are breaking us. And we let the pain go its way, as well it can, we listen to the songs we dedicated to each other, over and over again, until we start to laugh, like that time we first played that song. But this time, we do it on our own, wanting to hear the voice we miss, in the song. We watch romantic movies, thinking about how things could have been different, that we had met elsewhere, that we had dedicated different songs, that we liked another version of the same person. Therefore, pain is specific. Sometimes, it tears from us a piece of the world and just throws it away, while silently watching that piece breaking into thousands of little pieces. Pain then becomes poison, spreads through our bloodstream, but we let it float in us. Because, after all, something has to replace what we lost, so why not let the pain do that? And then, there’s the point where we’re pushing other people away as soon as they access our comfort zone. How many relationships that same zone destroyed, how many people did it separate? We don’t allow anyone to enter inside, because it’s much easier when we share the pain and doubt with ourselves.

And yet, the doubt lives longer than the pain. Isn’t that weird? We get over it, but the suspicion remains, hidden somewhere in the subconsciousness, waiting to attack us. It’s all part of the treatment, isn’t it? We can easily get hooked on misery. That feeling that no one is there for us is kind of a bitter addiction. But sometimes, what happens is that we try to replace it with the same person addicted to hurting. But don’t let it happen to you. I’ll give you one piece of advice: never allow yourself to ruin the future because something wrong happened in the past. It’s easy to write and read, but I’m speaking from experience. Sometimes the whole process of healing is very complicated, and it can be paused, becoming a part of our lives, simply cut us off from reality, so we reject any possibility of someone approaching us, avoiding opportunities, and new relationships. Some of us will always breathe the air in the past. Don’t do that to yourself, don’t convince yourself that no one wants to be there for you. And let’s think over, what do we usually do when somebody who means so much to us leaves us?

Let’s be honest with ourselves. Who else deserves the truth more than you do? So, don’t let yourself be only a wound that heals over time just to become a scar remaining forever. There are so many undiscovered places in front of you and so many things that could restore your faith in people and life, let’s think again, and admit to ourselves: we sometimes don’t look for ways to let things go, we don’t look for ways to hurt less, because it doesn’t matter anymore. Look in the mirror and tell yourself: “This moment now is important.” Let’s look at what’s happening now, not at how it used to be, let’s be honest with ourselves. Let’s believe in the power of time and our inner self. Look in the mirror later, and tell yourself: “Success is mine.” Let’s work on ourselves and believe in our values. Never allow yourself to be underestimated and to feel weak because you certainly aren’t. Don’t let anyone tell you that you’re worthless, because you’re certainly not, that you’re superfluous because you have reasons for why you are where you are, even when it doesn’t seem like you do. Don’t answer their words, never, and don’t criticize others simply because you believe in a self-defense system. Stop. Think for a moment, and answer them peacefully.

Let’s be honest. Time will always do everything in its power. But, don’t believe that it can do it on its own, without your help.

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