Self-knowledge through words

Insecurity

Do you know what insecurity is and where it lies? Are you insecure?

Are we all a bit like that?

That insecurity is skillfully hidden and camouflaged. One moment it will occur in the form of clothes, another moment it will be adjusted in your playlist, and the next it will be in the way you present yourself to people. Insecurity.

How long has it been since you reached your hands in the mass of people staring at the sky, looking forward to the pouring rain? Instead, you fit into that same mass and blend in with it. You become monochrome in a circle of people with the same aura- gray.

Your insecurity lies behind your fingers gently grasping a strand of hair and putting it behind ears, just to read the letters in a book you don’t drop from your hands. It hides in the way you dress and take off your jacket, fast, as if you’re always in a hurry. Insecurity- the smile you put on and off at the same moment.

How long did it take you to see your reflection? Did you finally see what you were pretending to be? What image do you paint in your head before you brush your physical being with a digital camera? Is that camouflage? I believe not.

Have you ever felt stretch marks on your thighs, varicose veins, after a busy day or imperfections on your face full of miter?

Think again. It’s not a question of whether you touched it, but whether you felt it.

Have you ever felt your hairy body causing you insecurity when it’s not fully shaved?

Not if you touched it, but felt your body.

I know…, “If only I could”… To destroy your insecurity and become an idol to yourself, heroine. When you no longer have to worry about the pain that wax you use causes you, razors that cut your skin as you rush to bury your insecurity beneath it. All those drops of tears and blood that slide down your body for years, they cause no pleasure, but pain and one little moment of safety. Is it worth it?

You scroll through those damn online magazines, looking for an effective, fast and soft diets. While you scroll through those pages, you turn your head on the other side. You don’t want to look in the mirror, because the clothes you wear don’t cover a layer of fat above your waist. Overweight or overage of insecurity? All those models in the photographs feed your subconscious but lead to starvation and loss of appetite. Those magazines revive your uncertainty every day and make it almost indestructible. Your eyes are filled with tears because you use all the megabytes on the virtual illusion of you, the one that doesn’t exist and never will.

And all those luxury pages that express your perfect life and pop-up ads that know you better than yourself. Now, your mind gathers everything you desire, everything you never enjoyed, all those journeys and expensive food.

Do you want to have everything without realizing that everything is already beside you?

Is insecurity like the invisible birthmark that originated in you in elementary school, because other girls had more elegant clothes and lighter teeth than you? Is uncertainty everything that makes you sad and unfulfilled?

Or were you just born that way?

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