What’s (not) possible

Your love, too, has become
foreign language for me
that I like to listen to,
but I don’t understand it.
Of your favorite music,
which was at
dusty closet,
I remember how you
could barely find those records,
a replacement for the peace you sought.

I barely found you
crossing dusty roads
and encountering unexpected turns.
Previously, fights had brought us together.
They often helped us
to understand each other,
to show the hidden
sides of fear and mystery.
Now, fights bring only silence
-unbearable and endless.
By pointing to multiple sides of us,
what we were and what we’re not now.

Just like in the old days,
but we don’t look so good.
How can something be
amazing about us
when we’re changing into something
we never wanted to become?

I, who is a “writer”,
I experience the loss of words.
I leave blank
spaces for one’s thoughts,
for unexpected answers,
for what’s (not) possible.
We leave without a good night,
we wake up without a smile
– incomplete and damaged.
We’re not saying what we feel
and what it begins to represent
the smile which hovers above us.

It’s like I’m treading the whole world
leaving rough and heavy marks.
Well, of course, I do.
I don’t call you “my life”
without reason or feeling.
That alienation in me is killing me.
How much I love you,
and how lost I am.
Like an architect who forgets
rooms in a house he designed himself.
As a painter who doesn’t recognize
her touch on his canvas
-the color she poured from her heart.

I thought, with this distance,
that I will forget the feeling
of your skin on mine,
that we will be on the same.
But you know what?
The distance has taken over our memories,
but I still can return each one
with my eyes closed,
and to notice the same details as then,
when we truly existed.
We have evolved,
but not in the way we thought.

But looking at crossed out
words on this paper,
I’m sure of one thing;
in addition to all these changes and differences,
I still hope.
I hope to the stars that shine
brighter and stronger,
stars that are only yours,
to light up every day in your galaxy.
And I hope they stay yours,
even if it means I lose all of mine.

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